On His Face Is A Map Of The World
by Snitchy McSnitchsnitch
Summary: He's a stranger to some and a vision to none, he can never get enough, get enough of the one. For a fortune he'd quit, but it's hard to admit how it ends and begins, on his face is a map of the world...
1. Chapter 1

This story is different from my first one. I'm actually like really in love with it, don't ask me why (You can ask). It's going to be told during book seven, but from what's going on from inside the castle, and I'm going to fuck around with the ending.

Seriously, do any of you want Snape to die? (if your answer is yes, don't answer that).

----

_A young woman walked briskly down a badly paved road. She was dressed oddly, in a long blue robe and brown boots, and her hair fell down her back in long glossy waves. Her eyes were fixed on a door that was rapidly approaching, and they showed a lot of emotion. There was fear and apprehension, anger, disgust, but mostly fear, it seemed to override all the other emotions battling there. _

_She reached the doorway and magically blew it open._

"_Bella!" Severus Snape seemed surprised to see his long time love standing furiously in his doorway._

_Arabella Morgan flicked her wand quickly at the door to repair it and then strode purposefully over to Severus Snape._

"_Did you kill Dumbledore? Did you, Severus?"_

_He knew this was coming, had been dreading this moments since Dumbledore first asked him of this months and months ago. Keeping his face smooth and cold he responded, "Yes, I killed him."  
This was clearly not the answer she wanted to hear, and her face erupted in pain and fury, all at once._

"_So, all these years, all these STUPID, STUPID YEARS you let me waste on you, let me think that you were a GOOD MAN was a FUCKING lie?!"_

"_I wouldn't call them a waste, Bella," he said sarcastically, sitting in his chair. He had been prepared for her reaction for a long time. He regretted the pain he knew she must be feeling, and would feel, but wanted to keep her safe. _

"_You lied," she stated simply, staring him down with a look that could kill him._

"_Of course I lied. Dumbledore never would have believed me to be a reformed man if I hadn't, now would he?"_

_Arabella had never considered this would be Snape's answer. She had been with him for the past three years despite his chilly personality and inability to put into words how he felt. She had always believed that he was a good man, a changed man with never having any proof._

"_They say you are The Dark Lord's right hand man," she spat in disgust. "You must be so proud."_

_He stared at her pointedly, and replied, "I assume you know that the liaison you and I had is over, correct?"_

_Her mouth snapped shut with an audible snap. "What, is my blood no longer pure enough for you, Severus? Or does your master choose how you feel now, as well?"_

_He stared at her hard, regretting his next choice of words. "I don't love you. I never loved you. You were simply….convenient, at the time. A helpful tool in convincing those around me that I truly was a changed man, as you so eloquently described earlier."  
She didn't think she could speak. Never loved her? Convenient? A tool?_

"_Very well, headmaster," she said quietly, turning on her heel to leave._

_He saw her spin around and wished her could grab her and tell her the truth, tell her why he had to hurt her so badly, that he loved her enough to want to keep her safe more than with him.  
"Bella," he said crisply._

_She stopped, but did not turn around or speak._

"_I expect to see you at the beginning of the term."_

_She turned her head to look at him, completely disgusted. "I am not a coward, Snape. Someone needs to be watching the children, Lord knows you won't be."_

_She strode forward and blew his door apart again, and then disappareted with a loud crack…_

Arabella sat in the great hall in between McGonagall and Flitwick in complete silence. The whole hall was silent with the exception of Snape droning on about the changes to be made at Hogwarts. Arabella honestly could not listen to another word of him instructing students to behave, and teachers to report students to the Carrows. She had heard this speech yesterday when she arrived. Amycus and Alecto sat to Snape's right and looked incredibly pleased with themselves, and Arabella doubted they could perform magic any better than the stupidest third year.

Beside her she noted McGonagall sitting ramrod straight hanging on Snape's every word. McGonagall had instructed the staff prior to Snape and the Carrow's arrival to look out for the students best interest and keep them safe above all else, as if they needed to be told that.

She felt a twinge of pain watching Snape stand there addressing the students. He had never expressed an interest in being Headmaster, but he seemed to fit the role just perfectly.

"..bed."

The students all rose from their seats and began to file silently out of the great hall. Arabella rose from her seat in unison with McGonagall and Flitwick, following him to direct the Ravenclaws to their new tower.

"Professor?" a young girl tugged on the hem of Arabella's robe.

"Yes?"

At that moment Amycus Carrow stepped in front of them and the girl fell silent.

"Any questions you got you can ask me," he said harshly, leering at Arabella.

"I—I—" she stuttered, looking up at Arabella nervously.

"She wanted to know where my classroom was, Amycus. Perhaps you could tell her where she can find Ancient Runes?" Arabella challenged lightly, knowing full good and well Amycus had no idea where that class was, and probably had never taken it.

"Seems like a worthless subject to me. I'd be watchin' your step there, if I was you."

She gave him a cold once over and stepped around him with the young student. "Noted."

"You may have noticed the changes to the school this year," Arabella began to her seventh year class with no preamble. "You are no longer children, and I know most of you are well aware of what is going on."

She looked at the solemn faces and continued. "Look out for your peers, and keep your head up. Give the Carrow's no reason to notice you. Open your books to page fifty seven."

Her classes all went by in a similar fashion, only Slytherin children seemed to be pleased with what was going on, and challenged her just to see what she would do.

Arabella had already made a promise that she would send no one to visit the Carrows, be it Ravenclaw or Slytherin.

When her last class let out she heard a loud, terrified scream coming from directly outside her room. She walked outside quickly followed by her fourth years to see Alecto torturing a small boy.

"STOP IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Neville Longbottom was apparently next in line, fighting against several Carrow supporters to get to the screaming child.

"What are you doing?!" Arabella yelled, horrified at what she was seeing.

Alecto laughed in Arabella's face. "Punishment," she said haughtily, enjoying the boy's screams of pain.

McGonagall had rounded the corner. "Enough! He's is but a boy!"

"Teach 'em young," Amycus had materialized behind Alecto, and the boy finished his screaming.

"No one is to help them! Anyone who does so will have it much worse!" Amycus called out as several students stepped forward to help him up.

Minerva turned around and Arabella followed in her footsteps. "Minerva!" she whispered fervently. "Are we going to let his happen?"

Minerva kept walking. "Our first priority is the students. We musn't let on."

"They're going to fight back!"

"Then we must do our best to protect them. But we cannot get thrown out of Howarts, we do them no favors!"

Arabella understood, even if she did not like it.

"Try and keep an eye on Snape," murmured Minerva.

"He would see right through me. He can practically read my mind."

"You love him?"

Arabella faltered. "I..I do, unfortunately."

Minerva nodded crisply. "I do not ask you to fall back in line with him. Merely…watch him. You know him better than most."

Arabella nodded distractedly thinking of times her and Severus had been together, how Sirius had warned her that Severus was an evil man, how she had brushed it off…


	2. Memories

The days passed slowly for Arabella, aware of what the Carrow's were doing how she was unable to stop any of it. The staff was keeping a watchful eye on all of the students and attempted to intervene whenever possible, but more often than not they were brushed off. To make matters worse Amycus seemed determined to have her, which disgusted her more than anything she could imagine.

More students everyday appeared in her class bruised and beaten, or just stopped showing up completely.

"Professor Morgan?"

Arabella turned around to see Amycus standing behind her one night as she patrolled the corridors.

"Amycus," she said dryly. "What a pleasant surprise."

He seemed to miss her sarcasm. "I thought you might feel that way."

"I am sure you did." Her gait became a bit faster and he had to practically run to keep up.

Amycus seemed please she was finally interested in something he had to say. "He sent me down here to bring you up into his office."

"You're related to the Black's, correct?" Amycus was headed toward the headmasters office and Arabella was following, mostly out of blind confusion.

"And the Weasleys."

"'Bout as pure blooded as they come, you are," he noted.

They were stopped at the gargoyle. "More so than you or your sister I imagine," she spat in disgust, about to head up the stairs. He caught her wrist.

"I would watch your step were I was you," he leered. She yanked it out of his pudgy grasp.

"I'll try and remember that." With a flourish she spun back into the stairs, feeling some grim satisfaction watching the wall shut in Amycus' face. Clearly Severus had not wanted a three person eye-witness to whatever he had going on.

She stepped out into the office and looked around briefly. Nothing seemed to have changed since Dumbledore had been here and she wondered why Severus did not change the hangings, at the very least.

"Your robes are not appropriate," Severus was sitting in the headmasters desk, and Arabella noted that Dumbledore, sitting in his portrait was watching him with a keen interest.

"Blue is no longer school appropriate?" she challenged, knowing full good and well that the blue and bronze robes she donned were not in accordance with Hogwarts faculty code.

His cold eyes glanced over her, and she thought she saw something flicker there, if only momentarily. She must have imagined it.

"You will wear black along with everyone else."

She fingered her robes and pulled out her wand. She saw him stiffen, and with a quick flick shortened them to make them more like a very short dress.

"Is this better for you Severus?"

She saw him glance at her legs, now exposed up to her upper thigh, her brown boots only coming under her knees. She was sure it was an interesting sight to him, a man who had claimed many a night to love her legs.

"I expect you to behave accordingly, or you will be replaced."  
"Replaced like Charity Burbage? Did you help her resign, Severus?"

His eyes looked at her, and she knew this time she saw hatred, but he still did not respond.

"Will you help me resign as well? Will you take me to your Lord and tell him that I am not worthy to be a witch, or will you just kill me yourself like you did Dumbledore?"

"Enough!" he said it with such a low authority that she felt herself shiver despite herself.

"Do not presume, Bella, that you can speak to me however you wish, just because you have shared my bed."

She glared at him, furious. "Is that what you called me up here for, Sev?"

She thought the use of an old nickname would make him angrier, but it seemed to calm him down.

"I confess I miss the feel…" he rubbed his fingers softly across her face, "Of your skin…"

Arabella was angry at her body's reaction to the way he touched her, angry that she still missed him, loved him, wanted him to be whom she had thought he was all these years.

"Severus." A warning voice came from behind them, and when she looked up she saw Albus in his portrait, his eyes glittering.

She looked back up at Severus, and was surprised to see the resentment burning hard on his face. He wasn't even trying to conceal his hatred like he normally did.

His head whipped back around and with a slash of his wand her robes lengthened again, and she watched slightly horrified as black began to spread on her blue and bronze, staining it like blood.

His face was composed again when she looked at it, cold and calculating the way he watched her, as if waiting for something he already knew would happen. Severus was incredibly skilled in legilmens, and at times could practically read her mind. She had a feeling he was watching it now as she was not even attempting to keep it closed they way she had been warned.

He closed his eyes briefly. "Be careful, Bella."

She felt herself getting dangerously angry again.

"Who should I be careful of? Amycus? Your master? You?" Her eyes were boring straight into his trying very hard to read what was gong on behind his eyes. He stared just as hard back, she knew he was having better luck.

"All would be a good choice," he said quietly, turning back toward his desk. She had been dismissed.

"Sev," she said harshly. He turned around and watched as she pointed her wand to her temple and pulled out a silvery memory. "For you."

He nodded once, curtly, and placed it in a silver jar and watched her walk out.

Waiting until he was sure she must be gone he placed her memory into the pensieve and dove face first inside.

He found himself standing in an old manor that reeked of old blood and old money. He recognized this immediately; she had given him her first memory of him.

_The house was situated alone in the country side, nothing around it for as far as the eye could see. The lawn was well manicured and the house was a slate grey, at least five stories and expanding about six blocks. Morgan manor was one of the oldest Wizarding homes left in the UK, and it was impressive._

_Inside Isabel Morgan, formerly Isabel Black, was greeting guests with an air of superiority and pleasure not uncommon with pure bred families. She believed she was better because her blood was so pure, but did not wholly agree with the anti-muggle born agenda the Dark Lord had begun to promote. Still, her oldest son had just become a Death Eater, and her youngest daughter had graduated Hogwarts at the top of her graduating class, and she was throwing them both a party in their honor._

"_Lucius!" Isabel greeted warmly, hugging Narcissa as her husband Aaron vigorously shook his hand. "Narcissa! I'm so glad you could make it!"_

_Narcissa was Isabel's youngest cousin, and she looked well. Where Isable had long, glossy black hair that fell in waves, high cheek bones, large blue eyes, Narcissa has pale, thin, and blonde. She was the exact opposite of Bellatrix._

"_We wouldn't have missed it for anything, Bell," Lucius kissed her hand delicately. "You must be very proud of Aaron, having been bestowed the honor of becoming a Death Eater. And I hear Arabella is not far behind…" the last part was a question, as Arabella was the second Black family member to skip the Slytherin house. Her cousin Sirius had become a Gryffindor and been disowned, Arabella had been a member of the Ravenclaw house, and tread very lightly on her families Slytherin toes._

"_Incredibly proud of Aaron," beamed Aaron Sr at his wife. "And little Arabella has been offered a teaching post at Hogwarts as the new Ancient Runes professor. She is incredibly excited as are we for her."_

_Arabella and Aaron Jr. appeared next to their parents as if out of thin air. Aaron shook Lucius' hand, and Bella did as well, though more as a formality than anything else. She was used to the formality of it all, though she did not like it, or them for that matter, at all._

"_Arabella, have you met Severus Snape?"_

_Arabella's head snapped up as her brother introduced her to a sallow, pale man with dark hair that hung in curtains around his face._

_She smiled politely. "You graduated a couple years ahead of me, I believe."_

_He nodded once, glancing over her in a midnight blue dress robe. She inherited her mothers good looks, from the glossy black hair to the blue eyes, fair skin, and height, she was practically her mothers double._

"_I was hoping you could show him a nice time tonight. This is his first visit to our home." Aaron nudged her very subtly. Arabella loved her brother more than any other person on the planet and felt a fierce sort of protectiveness towards him. When he announced his commitment to Lord Voldermorts cause it hardly shocked her, she had seem it coming for months. Since his involvement he had been trying to secure her a position within the ranks, even suggesting she marry Dolohov one night at dinner. Arabella was not sympathetic to his cause at all, and had agreed to the position at Howarts purely to escape the pressure her brother was placing on her without having to out right reject him._

"_I would love to," she flashed them all a smile and offered Severus her hand. They left the sitting room and walked out into the hall._

"_Would you like to go to the ball room?" she asked, knowing that most of the people were in there dancing. His face wrinkled slightly, barely noticeable, and if she hadn't been watching, she might never have noticed it at all._

"_Or we could walk the grounds. It's nice outside," she offered. He looked down at her in surprise, wondering what had caused her to switch so quickly. Had she looked into his mind?_

_Guessing his silence Arabella began pulling him down the hallway towards a door that would lead them outside._

"_Your face is a map of the world," she commented, stunning him._

"_Excuse me?"_

"_Your face is a map of the world," she repeated, walking down stone paved path to the gardens._

"_I hardly believe that," he said in annoyance. _

"_Not a literal map. Just, you are easy to read."_

_This stopped him dead in his tracks. _

"_Not likely, Bella."_

_Arabella turned around and smiled. "No one calls me Bella. I think it's because Aunt Bellatrix is called Bella, and my mom is Bell, so it gets confusing."_

"_Bella seems appropriate," he said simply, walking back over to her side._

_She smiled, taking his arm again._

"_Bella it is."_

Severus was surprised she still remembered it, he himself had been sure he loved her from the first night, though not for the reasons he later realized. Arabella was part of the two largest pure blood families in the wizarding community, a Black and a Morgan. He knew in later years she ended up disgracing her families name by taking up aDumbledore's cause and standing against Voldermort. Her brother had died in the ensuing war and Arabella was never quite the same. She became harder, a little colder, and sometimes when he looked at her he could see a little of Bellatrix looking back out. Arabella was nothing like Bellatrix, even less like her brother Aaron who was cold and calculated. They said that Isabel Morgan had begged her son to reconsider becoming a Death Eater, and he liked to think Arabella was like her.

Aaron Morgan had died in his sleep a couple years after the war and Isabel reportedly killed herself shortly after. Arabella never talked about it and he had never asked her.

Severus had remained close with Arabella after her mothers party, exceptionally so when Dumbledore gave him the potions post at Hogwarts. They had become friends, and several years later, lovers. Dumbledore had always expressed great enthusiasm over the relationship, encouraging Severus to continue on with it despite Severus' belief that he should end it for Arabella's safety.

It was only after killing Dumbledore did Severus finally decide to end things with her, hoping she would casually forget him and move on. However, one glance inside her mind tonight told him she was doing the exact opposite.

"How can she feel that way?" Severus asked no one in particular.

"I imagine she loves you," Dumbledore answered lightly, peering down at him from his portrait.

Severus chose to say no more. Dumbledore gave him one last piece of advice before falling asleep in his portrait. "Watch over her. She has an admirer."

Severus felt his jaw clench in anger. Amycus. Something must be done with him.

Arabella was angry with Snape for staining her robes. She knew the black wasn't coming out, and they were basically useless. She had been wearing Ravenclaw blue robes since she had begun working her and would be damned if she stopped now.


	3. Torture

Kudos to anyone who catches the song reference!

---

The next morning Arabella waited for her seventh year class to arrive.

"Today we will be taking a small trip, if you don't mind." Her eyes lingered on Neville's face. She had Gryffindor's only in this class, and a lot of them looked beaten worse than anyone else.

They looked excited for the first time in days. Arabella led them towards the grounds, down past Hagrid's hut and at the edge of the forbidden forest.

"We can't go in there," piped Lavender Brown.

"I'm aware of that fact Ms. Brown. I merely wanted to take you somewhere secluded and far from prying eyes. You have all heard the tale of Babbity Rabbity, I presume?"

They all nodded. "That story takes place her on Hogwarts grounds. It is important you remember the lesson in that tale."

They nodded again, and Arabella proceeded to walk them through the story, showing them different landmarks, different markings on rocks and buildings that pertained to the story until she was interrupted.

" 'Scuse me Professor, but I be needed Mr. Longbottom." Amycus leered over at her and Arabella sighed internally.

"For what, Amycus, do you need Longbottom for that is so urgent it could not wait until the end of my lesson?"

He pointed over to a castle wall that had "DUMBLEDORES ARMY STILL RECRUITING" in bold yellow letters.

"Pretty sure he's been the one writin' them there messages," he said.

"It doesn't say Longbottom's Army over there," she snapped.

"It's okay Professor. I did do it!" Neville stepped forward proudly, and Arabella's heart sank. No way could she help him now that he had confessed.

"You'll be comin' with me then," he said, and Longbottom followed.

Arabella waited until they were out of ear shot.

"They've been practicing the cruicatus curse on students with detention!" Parvati Patil looked apprehensive.

"Then I suggest you all keep your head low and out of trouble," Arabella warned, looking them all hard in the eyes. "They will not hesitate to harm you, you must be careful."

She might as well have been talking to a brick wall. Gryffindor's not challenging authority. Like a mermaid that didn't swim.

The next several weeks passed slowly for Arabella, who was counting all the different bruises, cuts, and quiet stares of her students. Every day reports of family members going missing. Arabella often spent her time with other staff members, particularly Minerva, Slughorn, and Flitwick in the teachers lounge, all sitting silently. It was impossible for them to speak to another without fear of being watched.

Still, things had a quiet hush to them. It wasn't until mid-October that Arabella was brought back to the harsh realities of what was going on in the school.

She walked out of her room, down two flights of steps and down a corridor, her blue robes silently hitting the heel of the brown boots she always wore, black hair hanging loosely down her back. She was the only teacher who kept their hair down.

As she rounded a corner she heard the terrible screams of someone in pain. Breaking into a run she made it to the end of the corridor where she saw Amycus holding his wand on a small second year girl who was writing and screaming in pain.

"What are you doing?!" she hollered, reaching them as quickly as possible.

"Do you see me asking you what you're doin' in your there class?" he spat at her, a look of pleasure dancing across his face.

"I do, and often! This is a little girl! What could she possibly have done to warrant such a punishment!"

"It ain't none of your damn business, now is it?!" he yelled. The little girl had gotten to her feet and begun to run down the hall when he fired the curse at her again.

"ENOUGH!" she yelled, pulling out her wand and pointing it at Amycus. A group of students were beginning to gather around the scene. Amycus smiled at her.

"I would lower your wand, were I was you. Unless you will take the punishment for the little brat…?"

Arabella had never felt the Cruciatus curse, but felt she could handle it better than an eleven year old girl. She looked at the crumpled form looking back at her, tear stained and scared and responded. "Oh but naturally. Do your worst."

The spell hit her hard, and despite her best efforts to remain on her feet she was knocked backwards on her back. It felt like her whole body was on fire as her skin was slowly peeled off, and while she did not scream out, her back arched up off the floor in agony. She could hear Amycus' delighted laughter and several students calling for Professor McGonagall.

As a second, harder wave of pain hit her she yelled out in surprise only to hear an inhuman roar down the hallway.

Instantly the pain stopped and her back hit the stone floor. Looking up she saw Severus practically running towards them. All the students parted or scattered to allow him over.

"What. Are. You. DOING?" he yelled.

"I…sir…" Amycus fumbled, looking terrified at Snapes fury.

"I volunteered," Arabella said, propping herself up on her elbows, but still too shaky to sit all the way up. "My body is more capable to handle it than say, oh, an eleven year old."

"You are not to harm the teachers here! Do you hear me?!" he bellowed, and then to everyone's surprise, scooped Arabella up off the floor. "Ever. If I ever…you will have to deal with me." Snapes voice was deadly, and the look in his eyes was lethal.

Amycus stammered hard. "Y-y-y-y-ye-e-es, si-i-i-r."

Snape spun around, Arabella still firmly in his arms, and began walking briskly away.

"I'm sure I can walk, Severus," Arabella said coldly, and Severus set her on her feet to which her immediately collapse. He then picked her back up and continued walking.

"Arabella. Headmaster! What happened?" Minerva and Slughorn were walking concernedly towards them. Snape brushed past them and continued on, down into the dungeons where his personal quarters were. She knew he was taking her there because she had been there numerous times.

He walked in and dumped her on his bed, yelling, "You were supposed to be being careful!"

She watched his face carefully, not speaking, watching different emotions steal across, subtly; you would have to know what to be looking for to see them at all. To an outsider he would seem just angry.

"Says who?" she asked, wanting to see it again. His face exploded and she watched greedily as anger, fear, jealousy, and love stole across, all in the blink of an eye.

"I DID!" he roared.

He was fuming, watching her stare at him. "SAY SOMETHING!"

She smiled sweetly. "Your face is a map of the world."

His eyes turned dark, almost black, and for a moment she thought she must have been wrong, that she was imagining seeing those things.

Then, with a strangled noise he was on her, kissing her hard, practically ripping her hair out of her skull in his apparent need to be as close to her as possible. She threw her arms around him, running one hand through his dark hair as she pulled him by his robe on top of her, her head hitting the bed with his hand behind it.

They didn't surface for air for hours, and she soaked it up, basking in her happiness in being with him again.

When she first met him at her parents home she had been instantly intrigued, despite the fact that he was a Death Eater, even the purported right hand of the Dark Lord. She had kept in touch with him as she began her post as the new ancient runes teacher. Her mother and father had been delighted that she had found such a well bred boy, but Severus had never seemed to see her that way.

She had spoken in the Wizengamot for him, as had Dumbledore, for his innocence. Everyone told her she must be crazy, but Arabella understood what it was like to be judged based on what the public perceived of you. Many people for years after Bellatrix's trip to Azkaban, suspected Arabella was just as crazy.

Arabella never gave up on Severus, not really. Through all of it she held on to hope that he would be hers.

It seemed only natural that she would continue loving him, despite the glaring facts that were staring her in the face. She didn't even want to try and move on, to continue to hate him, it hurt too much. The pain had evaporated the second he touched her tonight, when he came to her rescue in the hallway. She couldn't feel anything but a glowing pleasure, lying next to him, wrapped up in him, unworried about the outside world, though she knew she should be.

"Why can you read me like no one else?" he asked her quietly, stroking her hair softly.

She propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him lying there in the dark.

"I don't know," she smiled as her hair tumbled onto his face. He grimaced and swept it away.

"Nothing can change between us Bella."

"I'm not asking you to tell me what you're planning. I've never asked that." She looked down at him seriously.

"You're the only thing that feels real anymore. I don't want to lose that."

She brushed a stray strand of hair off his forehead. "You never could. I have loved you since I met you, I don't think there is anything you could do to change that."

He looked up at her seriously. He rarely smiled so she was accustomed to watching his eyes instead. "You love a killer."

It was Arabella's turn to grimace. "I don't believe that. I know you wouldn't kill Dumbledore…"  
"I did kill him, Bella. Please don't forget that, it is the truth." He interjected fiercely.

"For a good reason."

He stared at her incredulous. "You must be crazy. How.."

"Think of all the places you've been lost and then found out," she said softly, trailing her fingers slowly down his forearm.

"No one will understand. You must not tell them, it wouldn't be acceptable."

She smiled. "I wouldn't dream of tarnishing your spotless record, Sev."

"This isn't about me."

"We'd make them so jealous, we'd make them hate us."

"I think the latter is correct."


	4. Confessions

Arabella did not speak of what had happened and as far to her knowledge Severus had not, either. Minerva had asked her about it the next morning but Arabella had not revealed anything of interest, stating that he punished her himself for her behavior and that seemed to be the end of it.

Arabella, however, spent nearly every night with him, sneaking down to him when she could. Every once and a while a Carrow or fellow staff member would notice her and she would have to go back to her own quarters, but she had gotten so crafty that it was possible to avoid them.

She spent a lot their time together pleading for him to tighten the reigns on the Carrows to no avail. He never condoned what they did, but didn't speak out against them, either, merely stating that the children should learn to control themselves better. Tonight was no exception.

"Severus they are chaining the students up as an example! I don't believe you could ever be okay with this!"  
"This was a common practice when our parents parents attended Hogwarts," he commented, clearly bored of the subject.

"It's not like that. Michael Corner was tortured badly when he was caught releasing one, and no one has seen him since!" she was almost in tears, Michael was one of her better students.

She saw emotion flicker across his face briefly, it was how she knew he wasn't okay with what was going on underneath his rule as Headmaster, despite his protests against the fact.

"He probably fled the grounds Bella, don't get so worked up."

"So the dementors got him then?" she asked, sitting cross-legged on his bed.

He looked slightly amused. "I'm sure he is fine. Please don't worry yourself any longer."

His eyes were smiling at her, despite his indifferent face. "You know where they are going, don't you!" she accused, feeling relieved.

"I am sure I have no idea what you are talking about. Furthermore, if I were aware of where they were disappearing to, I would inform the Carrow's immediately. "

"You know," she repeated smugly. "Deny it all you want. You're face is a map of the world, remember?"

He pursed his lips in disagreement, but did not say another world. He disliked that she found him so easily readable, especially when the Dark Lord found it impossible.

Later that night, after Arabella had fallen asleep, Severus climbed gently out of bed trying not to disturb her. He watched as she sighed and rolled over, but didn't seem to wake up.

Pulling his robes back on, he quietly left his chamber and entered the school corridors, making haste to be as quick and quiet as possible. They had very little time to be together, and he wanted to spend it with her.  
"Sir!" Alecto jumped up from the place she had been sitting in the hall, asleep, next to her brother.

"I wish to have a word with you both," he said quietly. They both looked apprehensive, Severus was a feared man among the Death Eaters.

"What is it?" Amycus looked just as worried as his sister.

"Harsher punishments for all those who disobey are necessary. Also, post this in the great hall," he handed Alecto a piece of parchment. "No more gatherings of four or more shall be permitted. That is all."

He turned and began walking back the way he came, ignoring their stammerings behind him.

"No more gatherings of three or more under pain of punishment…" Arabella read under her breath. As a teacher she would need to try and keep in accordance with that rule, and she wondered if the same extended to members of the faculty.

Christmas was approaching and the usual excitement that filled the air was lacking. Most of the students were preparing to leave, she doubted anyone would remain behind. The Carrow's were also expected to leave for the time being, although no one knew if this were true or why they would go.

Arabella walked back into the great hall to see Snape sitting in his usual spot, eating silently at the table. She was angry with his new rule and wondered if she could convince him to remove it.

"Probably not," she said quietly, walking up to the staff table, her blue robes swishing out behind her. She had thrown out the black pair he had stained and ordered five more pairs of her blue and bronze robes just in case he chose to stain more.

She nodded to Minerva, watching the kids sitting in pairs or groups of three, but no more, all looking around nervously. The Gryffindor table seemed immune to the rule change, sitting as it always had, the kids looking bold and brazen despite their many wounds. She imagined the Carrows took great pleasure punishing Gryffindor student, a long Slytherin rival.

"Where is Longbottom?" Arabella murmured to Minerva. She saw worry flit across Minerva's face. Gryffindor were disappearing more than anything other house.

"I'm not sure," she admitted. Arabella wondered if Severus knew.

"I'm sure he's fine." Arabella wasn't sure who she was trying to reassure more, herself or Minerva.

Minerva continued eating in silence and Arabella tried to keep her mind off of the disturbing things going on around her.

The day passed by in a blur, and before she knew it she was sitting alone with Severus. He seemed to know something was bothering her by how quiet she was, sitting by herself in a chair staring out into space.

For the third time that night he found himself asking, "Is something bothering you Bella?"

She looked over at him, her face cloudy, but didn't respond with her usual, "Nothing, Severus." Instead she continued to look at him though he doubted she was actually seeing him.

"I used to think my mother was so pathetic," she said seemingly out of nowhere as she twirled a strand of hair absentmindedly around her fingers.

Severus was surprised, he had rarely heard Arabella speak of her parents since their deaths, and it was nothing negative. He looked at her, prompting her to continue.

"She met my dad the same age as I met you, you know."

"I did not," he admitted.

"Yeah. I was seventeen when I met you, fresh out of Hogwarts. So was she. It's rumored that she was so beautiful that my father absolutely had to have her. I doubt he tried very hard to get her. He was, what, six years older than her, filthy rich, and a ministry official. What else could my mom ask for? Anyway though, my mom was head over heals crazy in love with my dad. I don't know if it was love at first sight or he grew on her, but at any rate, my dad became my mom's whole world. It used to make me sick, when I was a kid. My dad would go out, and we all knew he was with other women, but my mom didn't care. She didn't even try to convince herself he wasn't. She knew. She simply didn't care."

Arabella stopped talking for a few minutes and Severus sat there in silence wondering what was prompting her to tell him all this.

Then she continued. "I would get so mad at her, I would ask her, 'Why do you let him do this!' and 'All he's doing is hurting you!' but she didn't care. She would say she loved him with this silly grin on her face, as if that excused his poor behavior. I'll give my dad this, I do think he loved her back. I know he loved us. I think my dad loved her as much as any man like him can love a woman, which is not a lot. He was handsome and rich and powerful, and I've noticed men like that seem to have trouble sticking with one woman. That's not the point."

Severus wondered briefly is she was alluding to the fact that she thought he was seeing other women but then dismissed it. The thought was too absurd to consider.

"She named my brother after my dad, Aaron, and someone told me she wanted to call me Erin as well. That's how deep her obsession with him went. I think he talked her out of it, compromising between their two names, Aaron and Isabel, to get Arabella, but I can't be sure.

I always swore, growing up though, that I would not be like her. That I would be strong and independent and if the man I loved was doing terrible things I would not stand for it."

Severus suddenly understood where she was trying to go with this and felt a quick surge of fear and insecurity, but he did not interrupt her.

"Then I met you. You were everything I was trying to avoid in a man. In people in general. You were a Death Eater, just like my brother. You know, my dad was so proud of Aaron when he announced he had joined the Death Eaters? I cried, for days and days. I even begged him to reconsider, but he told me I was being silly and selfish." She shook her head sadly.

"It doesn't matter now, if I was right. I wish he had listened, and that I had been strong enough to change his mind. That night he introduced me to you he wanted me to see that the Death Eaters were just normal people like me. That you were half blooded, but still a member, and that the cause wasn't as evil as I thought it was. I don't think he would have introduced him if he knew how hard I was going to fall for you; he wanted me to marry Dolohov. What a joke."

She looked bitter and angry.

"I would have followed you anywhere back then. I still would. You do despicable things. You murdered Dumbledore. You condone torturing young students. You're the right hand of the Dark Lord, though I don't know if that's actually true, it's just what I hear. He made you Headmaster of the school, so you must be incredibly high ranking.

You do all these things, horrible, horrible things, and I don't care. I don't even try and explain it away. I simply don't care. I understand how my mother felt. When I see one of the Carrow's harming a student I am appalled and disgusted, even though I know they are under your orders to do so, I just don't care. All I care about it being here with you, alone, because I am so wrapped up in you. It hurts to think not being with you, I don't even want to try and get over you. I used to think we would have this beautiful future together, and now I'm not even sure of tomorrow."

She looked at him sadly. "I am exactly my mothers daughter."

"Bella…" he said softly but she brushed him off, hard as nails.

"Don't try and act like it's not pathetic. I set women back two hundred years."

He laughed at this.

"Bella, your mother was not pathetic." Severus wanted to go over to her and comfort her, but didn't know how, and felt awkward about the whole thing in general. Arabella was generally very well kept together. She had never needed him to comfort her before and now that she did he didn't know how.

"You didn't grow up with her," Arabella contradicted. "I did. I saw it, everyday. I had to listen to everyone go on and on about how beautiful my parents love was for each other, but it wasn't! It was unhealthy! My dad did not respect my mom enough to be faithful and loyal to her, and my mom did not respect herself enough to put her foot down and demand he do so. She did not respect Aaron or me to set a better example. Aaron grew up thinking that was how a woman she treat her husband, and I grew up wondering if all women should stand aside and let their men be horrible people and say nothing about it."

"Do you think I am a horrible person?" He knew he didn't want to know the answer but had to ask anyway. She looked down at her hands in her lap looking ashamed.

"I do."

He felt a lump rising in his throat and had to work twice as hard to make his voice sound the same. The result made it seem as though he was shouting.

"Why is that?"

She looked startled at his tone. "You swore you were working for Dumbledore and then you killed him. You let the Carrow's torture children and say nothing of it!"

"Then why are you here?"

She looked desperate. "I don't know. I want to be able to walk away. I want to be able to hate you as everyone else does. No one will ever understand. I'm afraid if I try and leave you, you might die, and I will regret not staying forever."

The lump rose higher. "You think I may die…?"

She nodded solemnly. "Voldermort has to be vanquished. I do not think they will let any of you live. Our days together are number though for how long I can not say. It could be years, or months, or mere days. The idea of life without you seems intolerable."

"Do you miss your brother?" Severus had witnessed Aaron's death, something Arabella did not know. His question caught her off guard and she answered honestly without thinking.

"Every day."

"And yet you manage to continue living."

Her eyes widened. "I have no family. I just have you…if you were to leave, who would I have left?"

He closed his eyes. He had the strength to leave her but not the will. In his game of charades she was the only person he was being honest with, even if she did not know it. It was painful to watch her struggle with her desire to have a better man against her love of him. He never thought any woman could love him.

"How did he die, Severus?" Arabella was searching his face, her eyes wandering all over it, and he knew he had given himself away.

"Bella…" he answered, telling her the truth and deflecting her question at once.

"Please…He was my brother." Her eyes were shiny like glass.

"Bella…"

She closed her eyes, and when she opened them he saw her eyes watering. The idea of her crying was not bearable; he had never seen it and never wanted to.

"He, much like Regulus, tried to back out once he realized what he was in for." His tone indicated disgust, but he had much pride in Aaron's attempts. "He…was quite brave, much like you. Bellatrix…Bellatrix took much pleasure in…ending his much impassioned speech. He never saw it coming."

He looked up to see Arabella looking furious. She looked like Bellatrix, her dark hair set against such pale skin, her eyes ablaze in hate.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He stated simply, "You never asked."

She nodded and he sat there until she left. They didn't speak anymore, and he wondered if she had finally had enough of him.


End file.
